✍️ Niroj Shrestha
Things of past still haunts me leading to imaginary terrible thoughts which I still now regret. But to the contrary, I feel relieved for realizing those horrifying attitudes I had. Obviously, your age brings hurdles in how you take things and sense it. Recalling the past, actually which I didn’t want to give thought at some point of time, those words and the tone and attitude directly opposing the parental guidance and advise, interrupting their suggestions, turning deaf ear to their good comments, my God I still feel goose bumps and some sort of shame. Everybody after attaining certain age automatically realize how their parents only think of their children’s welfare in whatever way their children react. To tell the truth, I was among the one whose wishes were seldom disagreed . I would always insist my mom who in turn would persuade dad to provide me the things I wished. However, I never interacted or asked him directly for the things I needed, as deep inside, I always had fear and had sense of dislike unknowingly.
However, I had always loved my mom as far as I can recall but on the other hand, I had strong dislike for dad. Since the time I remember, I used to take my dad as a foe or hindrance to my way. Never was a day without argument if we were face to face or together. I know it was childish thought. I know he was harsh and strict to me. It is not strange since everyone’s dad present themselves in that way to their children in our society at least. I can remember how he used to give me the guidance on good path and as a teenage blood it was always indigestible to me. Yeah, I know he didn’t complete his schooling as his father married another woman and left him in his early childhood and he couldn’t continue his studies. Therefore, his wish was to see me study and be a great person. Of course, he comes from a conservative era but the morals and teachings he bestowed upon me were always good, I can say that now. I still recall how thoughts about him made me go angry and bring evil feelings towards him, as I always imagined his aggressive expression towards me. I never tried to peek on his soft side or his inner feelings and emotions towards me.
With time everything changes, it’s the truth. My thoughts for him have completely changed and whenever I recall those bitter truth, I laugh at myself for being immature and childish. Nobody is born perfect. You realize the wrongs things and learn as you grow . Once you face and confront those situations, you will come to realize your misdeeds and misconception. But those things teaches you valuable lessons to move forward in life. Now, I have a sense of satisfaction and can only imagine of his affectionate face who was working so hard day and night to ensure his children happiness without ever thinking of his own welfare, happiness or satisfaction. Thanks God for granting me such a generous father. You will be missed very much Dad.